William H. Macy was on Jay Leno and he told a great golf joke. Now this joke is a little harsh, but arent most golf jokes harsh ?
We hope we got this 100% right but its funny none-the-less:
A guy playing golf starts out with his best round hes ever played.
On the first hole he hits and eagle and the second hole he birdies.
Right before he tees off on the third hole he gets a call form the hospital.
The Dr. says: Your wife is here, you have to get here right away !.
The guy thinks this is best round yet, so he tees off on the third hole and hits a hole in one, for the first time ever.
He proceeds to finish all eighteen holes, then goes straight to the hospital.
The Dr. says: You didn’t come here straight away you finished all 18 holes didn’t you ?
The Man replies: Yeah I had to finish the game
The Dr. says: Well you can forget about golf, your wife is going to need constant care, day in and day out you’ll spend helping her. You can forget about your golf game !
The Man queries: Really ?
Dr. laughs and says: Naaa your wife died 2 hours ago !
Hey- We warned you it was harsh, but it is just a joke
Just a random golf joke we recently heard on a local golf course right here in Southern California.
Bill was teeing off from the men’s tee; on his downswing, he realized that his wife, Jenny, was just about to tee up on the woman’s tee box right in front of him.
At this point unable to stop his swing, he hits it, and strikes her directly in her temple, killing her, instantly.
A few days go by, and Bill gets a call from the coroner regarding her autopsy
Coroner : Bill, your wife died from blunt force trauma to the head. You said you hit a golf ball and struck her in the temple, is that correct ?
Bill : Yes, that’s correct.
Coroner : I also found a golf ball wedged up her butt.
Bill : Was it a Title is 2 ?
Coroner : Yes Bill, it was.
Bill (says in disbelief) : That’s where my mulligan ended up ?!?!
Jokes are just jokes so you can’t get offended. This golf joke was emailed to us, so we figured we should share it !
It is a really funny poke at Tiger !!
God asks Arnie first : “What do you believe ?”
Arnie thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says : “I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my fans.”
God can’t help but see the essential goodness of Palmer, and offers him a seat to his left.
Then God turns to Nicklaus and says : “What do you believe ?”
Jack says, “I believe passion, discipline, courage and honor are the fundamentals of life. I, too, have been lucky, but win or lose, I’ve always tried to be a true sportsman, both on and off the playing fields.'”
God is greatly moved by Jack’s high-pitched eloquence, and he offers him a seat to his right.
Finally, God turns to Woods : “And you, Tiger, what do you believe ?”
Tiger replies : “I believe you’re in my seat.” 😛